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September 23, 2012
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I just read this and I think it is so true:

Here are the 10 habits of remarkably charismatic people:

1. They listen way more than they talk.

Ask questions. Maintain eye contact. Smile. Frown. Nod. Respond--not so much verbally, but nonverbally.
That's all it takes to show the other person they're important.
Then when you do speak, don't offer advice unless you're asked. Listening shows you care a lot more than offering advice, because when you offer advice in most cases you make the conversation about you, not them.
Don't believe me? Who is "Here's what I would do..." about: you or the other person?
Only speak when you have something important to say--and always define important as what matters to the other person, not to you.

2. They don't practice selective hearing.

Some people--I guarantee you know people like this--are incapable of hearing anything said by the people they feel are somehow beneath them.
Sure, you speak to them, but that particular falling tree doesn't make a sound in the forest, because there's no one actually listening.
Remarkably charismatic people listen closely to everyone, and they make all of us, regardless of our position or social status or "level," feel like we have something in common with them.
Because we do: We're all people.

3. They put their stuff away.

Don't check your phone. Don't glance at your monitor. Don't focus on anything else, even for a moment.
You can never connect with others if you're busy connecting with your stuff, too.
Give the gift of your full attention. That's a gift few people give. That gift alone will make others want to be around you and remember you.

4. They give before they receive--and often they never receive.

Never think about what you can get. Focus on what you can provide. Giving is the only way to establish a real connection and relationship.
Focus, even in part and even for a moment, on what you can get out of the other person, and you show that the only person who really matters is you.

5. They don't act self-important…

The only people who are impressed by your stuffy, pretentious, self-important self are other stuffy, pretentious, self-important people.
The rest of us aren't impressed. We're irritated, put off, and uncomfortable.
And we hate when you walk in the room.

6. …Because they realize other people are more important.

You already know what you know. You know your opinions. You know your perspectives and points of view.
That stuff isn't important, because it's already yours. You can't learn anything from yourself.
But you don't know what other people know, and everyone, no matter who they are, knows things you don't know.
That makes them a lot more important than you--because they're people you can learn from.

7. They shine the spotlight on others.

No one receives enough praise. No one. Tell people what they did well.
Wait, you say you don't know what they did well?
Shame on you--it's your job to know. It's your job to find out ahead of time.
Not only will people appreciate your praise, they'll appreciate the fact you care enough to pay attention to what they're doing.
Then they'll feel a little more accomplished and a lot more important.

8. They choose their words.

The words you use impact the attitude of others.
For example, you don't have to go to a meeting; you get to go meet with other people. You don't have to create a presentation for a new client; you get to share cool stuff with other people. You don't have to go to the gym; you get to work out and improve your health and fitness.
We all want to associate with happy, enthusiastic, fulfilled people. The words you choose can help other people feel better about themselves--and make you feel better about yourself, too.

9. They don't discuss the failings of others...

Granted, we all like hearing a little gossip. We all like hearing a little dirt.
The problem is, we don't necessarily like--and we definitely don't respect--the people who dish that dirt.
Don't laugh at other people. When you do, the people around you wonder if you sometimes laugh at them.

10. ...But they readily admit their failings.

Incredibly successful people are often assumed to have charisma simply because they're successful. Their success seems to create a halo effect, almost like a glow.
The keyword is seem.
You don't have to be incredibly successful to be remarkably charismatic. Scratch the shiny surface, and many successful people have all the charisma of a rock.

But you do have to be incredibly genuine to be remarkably charismatic.
Be humble. Share your screwups. Admit your mistakes. Be the cautionary tale. And laugh at yourself.
While you should never laugh at other people, you should always laugh at yourself.

People won't laugh at you. People will laugh laugh with you.

They'll like you better for it--and they'll want to be around you a lot more.
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:iconsotek666:
Yes.

I think that covers it.
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:iconrayosblitz:
Willheim that was very nice, I can learn from this and people that know can remember again. I like being nice and positive because I don't want others to feel bad for what they do. Never make someone feel bad for the wrong reason
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:icondreadpirateme:
~DreadPirateMe Sep 23, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
I love this. Thank you!
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:iconcercan:
I seen this! And i think it's cool.
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:icontearahk:
~Tearahk Sep 23, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Charisma. One of those traits that only ever seem to shine through when I talk to people online. My mind seems more geared towards the written and typed word as opposed to the spoken one. When given a computer, and enough time, I can write volumes, and tell someone what I love about something they have done, even well before it is finished. But the moment I meet this person in the real world, when they show me their work, my tongue turns to lead in my mouth and I stumble around like a child learning to walk for the first time.

When speaking to someone though text, or through web cam, I have the tongue of a god. I can speak to someone and calm them down if they are upset, or tell someone something dear to me about them. But the second I meet them face to face, inches from one another, my power seems to fade and my mind goes numb and blank. It is as if all the life of my mind seems to melt away leaving a hollow shell of what it was. And once I regain some sort of control, when I view these people through a screen, I get my power back.

I am not saying that I am perfect on the computer. If anything I am still learning how to use my gift(if one could call it that). I guess what I am trying to say is that maybe I am not really this amazingly charismatic guy that people on this and many other sites see me as being. Maybe this is all just a facade I am trying to delude myself into believing is real. That maybe I am no better than what I see every day, looking in the mirror.
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:iconnuriomarayana:
~NurioMarayana Sep 23, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I wonder... Did you meet very (un)charismatic people that caused you to post this?
It's all very true and an inspirational read, but this almost comes out of nowhere, making me think there might've been a reason for this post.
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:icondog0food:
I disagree with this. I liked it and I enjoyed the implications, but I don't agree with it. I do almost all of these things (not really 8, and sometimes I join in on 9 like the asshole I am) and I can say without a shadow of a doubt that I'm not charismatic at all. I'm not really a nice person either (oh wait, that could have something to do with it, heh...).

There are probably a lot of people that do all of these things and are charismatic, but there has to be more to it than that. Or maybe not, and I'm just the exception to the rule. Ohhh well, I'll continue being the awkward, weird mofo I am and leave the charisma to the people that actually know what they're doing. WHO NEEDS CHARISMA, ANYWAY? Unless we're talking about The Sims (which we're not), because then charisma is a very helpful trait to have.

Anyway, a very good read. Although, we always get something special out of your entries, willheim.
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:iconchachonimrod:
The third item on this list is one I've always tried my hardest to adhere to, and I'd like to think I've been successful. No one feels less important to you than when you're so detached from them and what they're saying that you place half, part, or even all of your focus on another activity. That said, the second and eighth items will take more of my focus to improve upon...
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:iconblackgryph0n:
Sadly, I only come across as charismatic when I first meet people.. Then it's on to self babble, stuff babble, babble in general...
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