The owls stopped hooting well before sunrise.
Well, sunrise isn't even here yet.
Bright stars out.
i have been staring at them and thinking about the impossibility of relatedness.
It seems like everyone I know is chasing after some imagined sense of who they are or who they want to be. Or they have definitions about themselves they quickly let you know about upon meeting. Rules, boundaries, categories of what is acceptable, not acceptable. "I'm a techy guy."
Love affairs start with a burst of passion that ensures continuation of the species, but only afterwards do lovers see each other as who they are, and only later do their "projections of ideal self on to their partner" fade, leaving them scratching their heads wondering what went wrong. Who is this person? Well, the same person you didn't see all along.
And so it may be with life. Imagined desires. Working to get something you have your whole identity caught up in, blasting through barriers, obstacles, creating a definition of who you are that is based on the sum of your experiences. Tilting at the windmills.
Life and love seem an imaginary battle over what I expect my ideal self to be. Truly this battle with the self is wholly illusory; completely a mental construction.
i can't control what the world throws up at me, I can only control my reaction. I do not have to be captured by someone else's fear or negativity. Though highly contagious, toxic emotional states seemingly control almost everyone here in LaLa Land, the choice and power to not be that way is mine.
I look at the toxic things in my life as learning opportunities, warning signs, tests that show me what road not to take. If I am bitten, lesson not learned. The bad juju around me can only be defused and dissipated by example and strength of character, not by fighting, or engagement.
It is wise to know when you don't have the strength rise above the negativity, and to just get away from it. Not try to change it or fix it. Main thing is to find peace. Stay centered. Not get engaged. Get engaged draws you into it, like blowing upon the embers of a dying fire and bringing it back roaring life.
I am stricken by the futility of human endeavor at large, and the impossibility of true relatedness without projection and transference.